Last Day on the Job!

Click on the pictures to enlarge them

Why Dogs Bite People

MacDognalds


Superdog


Yodog

And Last, but not Least........
Hot Dogs

Because I am a man

Because I am a man...When I lock my keys in the car, I will fiddle with a

wire clothes hanger and ignore your  suggestions that we call a road

service until long after hypothermia has set in and I have damaged the

vehicle.

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Because I am a man, when the car isn't running very well, I will pop the

hood and stare at the engine as if I know what I'm looking at.  If another

man shows up, one of us will say to the other, "I used to be able to fix

these things, but now with all these computers and everything,  I wouldn't

know where to start."

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Because I am a man, when I catch a cold I need someone to bring me soup and

take care of me while I lie in bed and moan.  You never get as sick  as I

do, so for you this isn't an issue

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Because I am a man, I can be relied upon to purchase basic groceries at the

store, like milk or bread.  I cannot be expected to find exotic items

like "Cumin" or "lady fingers."  For all I know these could be the  same

thing.  And never, under any circumstances, expect me to pick up anything

for which "feminine hygiene product" is a euphemism.

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Because I am a man, when one of our appliances stops working I will insist

on taking it apart, despite evidence that this will just cost me twice as

much once the repair person gets here and has to put it back together.

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Because I am a man, I must hold the television remote control in my hand

while I watch TV.  If the thing has been misplaced, I may miss a whole show

looking for it (though one time I was able to survive by holding a

calculator).

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Because I am a man, I don't think we're all that lost, and no, I don't

think we should stop and ask someone.  Why would you listen to a complete

stranger?  I mean, how in the world could he know where we're going?

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Because I am a man, there is no need to ask me what I'm thinking about,

especially while driving quietly.  The answer is always either sex or

football, though I have to make up something else when you ask, so don't.

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Because I am a man, you don't have to ask me if I liked the movie. Chances

are, if you're crying at the end of it, I didn't.

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Because I am a man, I think what you're wearing is fine.  I thought what

you were wearing five minutes ago was fine, too. Either pair of shoes is

fine. With the belt or without it looks fine.  Your hair is fine.  You look

fine.

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Because I am a man, and this is, after all, 2007, I will share equally

in the housework.  You just do the  laundry, the cooking,  the gardening,

the cleaning, and the dishes.  I'll do all the rest.

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This has been a Public Service message for women, to better understand the male animal.

HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT MEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:

He does not have a BEER GUT - He has developed a LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY.

He is not a BAD DANCER - He is OVERLY CAUCASIAN.

He does not GET LOST ALL THE TIME - He INVESTIGATES ALTERNATIVE DESTINATIONS.

He does not get FALLING-DOWN DRUNK -He becomes ACCIDENTALLY HORIZONTAL.

He does not act like a TOTAL ASS - He develops a case of RECTAL-CRANIAL INVERSION.

He is not a SEX MACHINE - He is ROMANTICALLY AUTOMATED.

He is not a MALE CHAUVINIST PIG - He has SWINE EMPATHY.

He is not afraid of COMMITMENT - He is MONOGAMOUSLY CHALLENGED.

HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT WOMEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:

She is not a BABE or a CHICK - She is a BREASTED FEMALE.

She is not a SCREAMER or MOANER - She is VOCALLY APPRECIATIVE.

She is not EASY - She is HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE.

She is not DUMB - She is a DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY.

She has not BEEN AROUND - She is a PREVIOUSLY ENJOYED COMPANION.

She is not an AIRHEAD - She is REALITY IMPAIRED.

She does not get DRUNK or TIPSY - She gets CHEMICALLY INCONVENIENCED.

She is not HORNY - She is SEXUALLY FOCUSED.

She does not have BREAST IMPLANTS - She is MEDICALLY ENHANCED.

She does not NAG YOU - She becomes VERBALLY REPETITIVE

She is not a SLUT - She is SEXUALLY EXTROVERTED.

She does not have MAJOR LEAGUE HOOTERS - She is PECTORALLY SUPERIOR.

She is not a TWO BIT WHORE - She is a LOW COST PROVIDER.
 

AND FINALLY.......SOME BUMPER STICKERS
 

Eat Well, Stay Fit, Die Anyway

Body by Nautilus; brain by Mattel

Boldly going nowhere

CAUTION - Driver legally blonde!

Heart Attacks...God's Revenge for Eating His Animal Friends

He's not dead, He's electroencephalographically challenged

How many roads must a man travel down before he admits he is lost?

CATS: The other white meat

I'm an imbecile and I vote

Money Isn't Everything... But it Sure Keeps the Kids In Touch

If you lived in your car, you'd be home by now

Saw it... Wanted it... Had a fit... Got it!

WARNING! Driver only carries $20.00 in ammunition

If you can read this, I can slam on my brakes and sue you!

Your gene pool needs a little chlorine.

You're just jealous because the voices are talking to me not you!

You are depriving some poor village of its IDIOT

Forget world peace. Visualize using your turn signal.

Grow your own dope, plant a man

All Men Are Animals, Some Just Make Better Pets

I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.

WANTED: Meaningful overnight relationship.

Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.

All men are idiots...I married their king.

The more you complain, the longer God makes you live.

IRS We've got what it takes to take what you've got.

Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off now.

Out of my mind...Back in five minutes.

Hang up and drive.

I took an IQ test and the results were negative.

Where there's a will...I want to be in it.

It's lonely at the top, but you eat better.

We are born naked, wet, and hungry....Then things get worse.

Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.

Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?

Be nice to your kids...They will pick out your nursing home.

Always remember you're unique...Just like everyone else.

A mechanic was removing a cylinder-head from the engine of a car he spotted a well-known heart surgeon in his workshop.
The heart surgeon was there waiting for the service manager to come take a look at his car when the mechanic shouted across the garage,
"Hey Doc, want to take a look at this?"
The heart surgeon, a bit surprised, walked over to where the mechanic was working on the car.
The mechanic straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and asked,
"So Doc, look at this engine. I open its heart, take the valves out, repair any damage, and then put them back in, and when I finish, it works just like new.
So how come I make £20,000.00 a year, with overtime and you get the really big money when you and I are doing basically the same work?"
The heart surgeon paused, smiled and leaned over, then whispered to the mechanic...
''Try doing it with the engine running."

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A young reporter went to an old peoples home to interview an old but legendary big game hunter.
The reporter asked the old man to tell him the most frightening experience he had ever had.
The old big game hunter said,
"Once I was out hunting man eating tigers in the jungles of India.
I was on a very narrow path and my faithful native gun bearer was behind me.
Suddenly the largest tiger I have ever seen leaped onto the path in front of us.
I turned to get my gun only to find the native gun bearer had fled.
The tiger leapt toward me with a mighty ROARRRR!
I soiled myself."
The reporter said,
"Under those circumstances anyone would have done the same."
The old big game hunter said,
"No no, no, not then - just now when I went ''''ROARRRR!!"

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A 97-year-old woman who was very depressed over the recent death of her husband, decided that she could no longer live without him so she decided to kill herself and join him in death.
Thinking that it would be best to do it quickly, she found her husband's old service revolver and made the decision to shoot herself in the heart since her heart was already broken anyway.
Not wanting to miss the vital organ and become a vegetable and a burden to her relatives, she called her doctor to inquire exactly where the heart would be on a woman.
The doctor said, "The heart is just below the left nipple."
Later that night the widow was admitted to hospital with a gunshot wound to her left knee.



 

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1) My husband and I divorced over religious differences.   He thought he was God and I didn't!

2) I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.

3) I Work Hard Because Millions On Welfare Depend on Me!

4) Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them.

5) I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.

6) Don't take life too seriously, you won't get out alive.

7) You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me.

8) Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.

9) Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.

10) Quoting one is plagiarism; Quoting many is research.

11) I'm not a complete idiot, some parts are missing.

12) Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.

13) NyQuil - The stuffy, sneezy, why-the-heck-is-the-room spinning-medicine.

14) I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather...not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.

15) God must love stupid people, he made so many.

16) The gene pool could use a little chlorine.

17) It IS as BAD as you think and they ARE out to get you.

18) I took an IQ test and the results were negative.

19) Consciousness: that annoying time between naps.

20) Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?2

21) MOP AND GLOW - Floor wax used by Three Mile Island cleanup team.

22) Beer ~ The Reason I Get Up Each Afternoon!

23) I Must Be a Proctologist Because I Work With Buttheads!

24) Frankly, Scallop, I Don't Give a Clam (seen on Cape Cod)

25) Computer programmers know how to use their hardware.

26) Wrinkled Was Not One of the Things I Wanted to Be When I Grew Up.

27) Procrastinate Now.

28) Rehab Is for Quitters

29) My Dog Can Lick Anyone

30) I Have a Degree in Liberal Arts - Do You Want Fries With That?

31) Computer programmers don't byte, they nibble a bit.

32) Finally 21, and Legally Able to Do Everything I've Been doing since 15.

33) ALL MEN ARE IDIOTS, AND I MARRIED THEIR KING

34) West Virginia: One Million People and 15 last names

35) FAILURE IS NOT AN OPTION. It comes bundled with the software.

36) MY WILD OATS HAVE TURNED TO SHREDDED WHEAT

37) A hangover is the wrath of grapes

38) A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance

39) STUPIDITY IS NOT A HANDICAP. Park elsewhere!

40) DISCOURAGE INBREEDING - Ban Country Music

41) They call it PMS because Mad Cow Disease was already taken

42) He who dies with the most toys is nonetheless dead

43) Time's fun when you're having flies...Kermit the Frog

44) POLICE STATION TOILET STOLEN... Cops have nothing to go on.

45) FOR SALE - Iraqi rifle. Never fired. Dropped once.

46) HECK IS WHERE PEOPLE GO WHO DON'T BELIEVE IN GOSH

47) A PICTURE IS WORTH A THOUSAND WORDS, but it uses up a thousand times the memory.

48) The Meek shall inherit the earth, after we're through with it.

49) Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

50) HAM AND EGGS - A day's work for a chicken, a lifetime commitment for a pig.

51) WELCOME TO KENTUCKY - Set your watch back 20 years.

52) The trouble with life is there's no background music.

53) IF THERE IS NO GOD, WHO POPS UP THE NEXT KLEENEX?

54) The original point and click interface was a Smith & Wesson.

MAN'S FIVE MOST FEARED QUESTIONS


Man's five most feared questions...........................


1. What are you thinking about?
2. Do you love me?
3. Do I look fat?
4. Do you think she is prettier than me?
5. What would you do if I died?

What makes these questions so difficult is that every one is guaranteed to
explode into a major argument if the man answers incorrectly (i.e. tells the truth).

Therefore, as a public service, each question is analysed below along with possible responses.

 Question 1: What are you thinking about?

The proper answer to this, of course, is:
"I'm sorry if I have been a bit pensive darling. I was just reflecting on what a warm, wonderful,
thoughtful, caring, intelligent woman you are, and how lucky I am to have met you."

This response obviously bears no resemblance to the true answer, which most likely is one of the following:
a. Nothing
b. Football
c. Jennifer Lopez
d. How fat you are
e. How would I spend the insurance money if you died
Perhaps the best response to this question was offered by Al Bundy, who once told Peg:
"If I wanted you to know what I was thinking, I would be talking to you."
 

Question 2: Do you love me?

The proper response is: "YES" or, if you feel a more detailed answer is necessary:
"Yes, dear."

Inappropriate responses include:
a. Oh yeah, sh*t loads!
b. Would it make you feel better if I said yes?
c. That depends on what you mean by love
d. Does it matter
e. Who, me?

Question 3: Do I look fat?

The correct answer is an emphatic:
"Of course not!!"

Among the incorrect answers are:
a. Compared to what?
b. I wouldn't call you fat, but you're not exactly thin.
c. A little extra weight looks good on you.
d. I've seen fatter.
e. Could you repeat the question? I was just thinking about how I would spend the insurance money if you died.

Question 4: Do you think she is prettier than me?

Once again, the proper response is an emphatic:
"Of course not!!"

Incorrect responses include:
a. Yes, but you have a better personality
b. Not prettier, but definitely thinner
c. Not as pretty as you when you were her age
d. Define "pretty"
e. Could you repeat the question? I was just thinking about how I would spend the insurance money if you died.


Question 5: What would you do if I died?

A definite no-win question.
(The real answer of course is "Buy a Ferrari and a boat".)

No matter how you answer this, be prepared for at least an hour of follow-up questions, usually along these lines:

WOMAN: Would you get married again?
MAN: Definitely not!

WOMAN: Why not? Don't you like being married?
MAN: Of course I do.

WOMAN: Then why wouldn't you remarry?
MAN: Okay, I'd get married again.

WOMAN: You would? (with a hurt look on her face)
MAN: (makes audible groan)

WOMAN: Would you sleep with her in our bed?
MAN: Where else would we sleep?

WOMAN: Would you put away my pictures and replace them with pictures of her?
MAN: That would seem the proper thing to do.

WOMAN: And would you let her use my golf clubs?
MAN: She can't. She's left-handed.

WOMAN: ...silence...
MAN: Sh*t!!

March 2007

February 2007

What Kind of Tree are You?

Find your birthday and then find your tree... and read the description below.

 Dec 23 to Jan 01 - Apple Tree

Jan 01 to Jan 11 - Fir Tree

Jan 12 to Jan 24 - Elm Tree

Jan 25 to Feb 03 - Cypress Tree

Feb 04 to Feb 08 - Poplar Tree

Feb 09 to Feb 18 - Cedar Tree

Feb 19 to Feb 28 - Pine Tree

Mar 01 to Mar 10 - Weeping Willow Tree

Mar 11 to Mar 20 - Lime Tree

Mar 21 - Oak Tree

Mar 22 to Mar 31 - Hazelnut Tree

Apr 01 to Apr 10 - Rowan Tree

Apr 11 to Apr 20 - Maple Tree

Apr 21 to Apr 30 - Walnut Tree

May 01 to May 14 - Poplar Tree

May 15 to May 24 - Chestnut Tree

May 25 to Jun 03 - Ash Tree

Jun 04 to Jun 13 - Hornbeam Tree

Jun 14 to Jun 23 - Fig Tree

Jun 24 - Birch Tree

Jun 25 to Jul 04 - Apple Tree

Jul 05 to Jul 14 - Fir Tree

Jul 15 to Jul 25 - Elm Tree

Jul 26 to Aug 04 - Cypress Tree

Aug 05 to Aug 13 - Poplar Tree

Aug 14 to Aug 23 - Cedar Tree

Aug 24 to Sep 02 - Pine Tree

Sep 03 to Sep 12 - Weeping Willow Tree

Sep 13 to Sep 22 - Lime Tree

Sep 23 - Olive Tree

Sep 24 to Oct 03 - Hazelnut Tree

Oct 04 to Oct 13 - Rowan Tree

Oct 14 to Oct 23 - Maple Tree

Oct 24 to Nov 11 - Walnut Tree

Nov 12 to Nov 21 - Chestnut Tree

Nov 22 to Dec 01 - Ash Tree

Dec 02 to Dec 11 - Hornbeam Tree

Dec 12 to Dec 21 - Fig Tree

Dec 22 - Beech Tree

APPLE TREE (the Love)
Of slight build, lots of charm, appeal, and attraction, pleasant aura, flirtatious, adventurous, sensitive, always in love, wants to love and be loved, faithful and tender partner, very generous, scientific talents, lives for today, a carefree philosopher with imagination.

 ASH TREE (the Ambition)
Uncommonly attractive, vivacious, impulsive, demanding, does not care for criticism, ambitious, intelligent, talented, likes to play with fate, can be egotistic, very reliable and trustworthy, faithful and prudent lover, sometimes brains rule over the heart, but takes partnership very seriously.

BEECH TREE (the Creative)
Has good taste, concerned about its looks, materialistic, good organization of life and career, economical, good leader, takes no unnecessary risks, reasonable, splendid lifetime companion, keen on keeping fit (diets, sports, etc.)

BIRCH TREE (the inspiration)
Vivacious, attractive, elegant, friendly, unpretentious, modest, does not like anything in excess, abhors the vulgar, loves life in nature and in calm, not very passionate, full of imagination, little ambition, creates a calm and content atmosphere.

CEDAR TREE (the Confidence)
Of rare beauty, knows how to adapt, likes luxury, of good health, not in the least shy, tends to look down on others, self-confident, determined, impatient, likes to impress others, many talents, industrious, healthy optimism, waiting for the one true love, able to make quick decisions.

CHESTNUT TREE (the Honesty)
Of unusual beauty, does not want to impress, well-developed sense of justice, vivacious, interested, a born diplomat, but irritates easily and sensitive in company, often due to a lack of self confidence, acts sometimes superior, feels not understood loves only once, has difficulties in finding a partner.

 CYPRESS TREE (the Faithfulness)
Strong, muscular, adaptable, takes what life has to give, content, optimistic, craves money and acknowledgment, hates loneliness, passionate lover which cannot be satisfied, faithful, quick-tempered, unruly, pedantic, and careless.

 ELM TREE (the Noble-mindedness)
Pleasant shape, tasteful clothes, modest demands, tends not to forgive mistakes, cheerful, likes to lead but not to obey, honest and faithful partner, likes making decisions for others, noble-minded, generous, good sense of humour, practical.

 FIG TREE (the Sensibility)
Very strong, a bit self-willed, independent, does not allow contradiction or arguments, loves life, its family, children and animals, a bit of a social butterfly, good sense of humour, likes idleness and laziness, of practical talent and intelligence.

FIR TREE (the Mysterious)
Extraordinary taste, dignity, sophisticated, loves anything beautiful, moody, stubborn, tends to egoism but cares for those close to them, rather modest, very ambitious, talented, industrious, uncontested lover, many friends, many foes, very reliable.

HAZELNUT TREE (the Extraordinary)
Charming, undemanding, very understanding, knows how to make an impression, active fighter for social cause, popular, moody, and capricious lover, honest, and tolerant partner, precise sense of judgment.

HORNBEAM TREE (the Good Taste)
Of cool beauty, cares for its looks and condition, good taste, is not egoistic, makes life as comfortable as possible, leads a reasonable and disciplined life, looks for kindness and acknowledgement in an emotional partner, dreams of unusual lovers, is seldom happy with its feelings, mistrusts most people, is never sure of its decisions, very conscientious.

LIME TREE (the Doubt)
Accepts what life dishes out in a composed way, hates fighting, stress, and labour, dislikes laziness and idleness, soft and relenting, makes sacrifices for friends, many talents but not tenacious enough to make them blossom, often wailing and complaining, very jealous but loyal. 

MAPLE TREE (Independence of Mind)
No ordinary person, full of imagination and originality, shy and reserved, ambitious, proud, self-confident, hungers for new experiences, sometimes nervous, has many complexities, good memory, learns easily, complicated love life, wants to impress.

OAK TREE (the Brave)
Robust nature, courageous, strong, unrelenting, independent, sensible, does not like change, keeps its feet on the ground, person of action.

 OLIVE TREE (the Wisdom)
Loves sun, warmth and kind feelings, reasonable, balanced, avoids aggression and violence, tolerant, cheerful, calm, well-developed sense of justice, sensitive, empathetic, free of jealousy, loves to read and the company of sophisticated people.

PINE TREE (the Particular)
Loves agreeable company, very robust, knows how to make life comfortable, very active, natural, good companion, but seldom friendly, falls easily in love but its passion burns out quickly, gives up easily, everything disappointments until it finds its ideal. trustworthy, practical.

POPLAR TREE (the Uncertainty)
Looks very decorative, not very self-confident, only courageous if necessary, needs goodwill and pleasant surroundings, very choosy, often lonely, great animosity, artistic nature, good organizer, tends to lean toward philosophy, reliable in any situation, takes partnership seriously.

ROWAN TREE (the Sensitivity)
Full of charm, cheerful, gifted without egoism, likes to draw attention, loves life, motion, unrest, and even complications, is both dependent and independent, good taste, artistic, passionate, emotional, good company, does not forgive.

WALNUT TREE (the Passion)
Unrelenting, strange and full of contrasts. often egotistic, aggressive, noble, broad horizon, unexpected reactions, spontaneous, unlimited ambition, no flexibility, difficult and uncommon partner, not always liked but often admired, ingenious strategist, very jealous and passionate, no compromise.

WEEPING WILLOW (the Melancholy)
Beautiful but full of melancholy, attractive, very empathetic, loves anything beautiful and tasteful, loves to travel, dreamer, restless, capricious, honest, can be influenced but is not easy to live with, demanding, good intuition, suffers in love but finds sometimes an anchoring partner.

++++++++++++++++
 

Also, The Things I Have Learned as I've Matured no Matter What Tree I am

I've learned that you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in.

I've learned that no matter how much I care, some people are just assholes. 

I've learned that it takes years to build up trust, and it only takes suspicion, not proof, to destroy it. 

I've learned that you can get by on charm for about fifteen minutes.  After that, you'd better have a big willy or huge boobs. 

I've learned that you shouldn't compare yourself to others - they are probably more screwed up than you think. 

I've learned that you can keep vomiting long after you think you are finished. 

I've learned that we are responsible for what we do, unless we are celebrities or management. 

I've learned that regardless of how hot and steamy a relationship is at first, the passion fades, and there had better be a lot of money to take its place. 

I've learned that 99% of the time when something isn't working in your house, one of your kids did it. 

I've learned that the people you care most about in life are taken from you too soon and all the less important ones just never go away. 

I've learned to say "F--- 'em if they can't take a joke"  in 6 languages. 

January 2007

The Next Time You Think You Are Having a Bad Day

Fire authorities in California found a corpse in a burned out section of forest while assessing the damage done by a forest fire.
The deceased male was dressed in a full wet suit, complete with scuba tanks on his back, flippers, and facemask.
A post-mortem revealed that the person died not from burns, but from massive internal injuries.
Dental records provided a positive identification. 
Investigators then set about to determine how a fully clad diver ended up in the middle of a forest fire.
It was revealed that on the day of the fire, the person went for a diving trip off the coast some 20 miles from the forest.
The fire fighters, seeking to control the fire as quickly as possible, called in a fleet of helicopters with very large dip buckets.
Water was dipped from the ocean and then flown to the forest fire and emptied.
You guessed it. One minute our diver was making like Flipper in the Pacific, the next he was doing the breast stroke in a fire dip bucket 300 feet in the air.
Some days it just doesn't pay to get out of bed.

STILL THINK YOU ARE HAVING A BAD DAY?

A man was working on his motorcycle on his patio and his wife was in the kitchen.
The man was racing the engine on the motorcycle when it accidentally slipped into gear.
The man, still holding onto the handlebars, was dragged through the glass patio doors and along with the motorcycle dumped onto the floor inside the house.
The wife, hearing the crash, ran into the dining room and found her husband lying on the floor, cut and bleeding, the motorcycle lying next to him, and the shattered patio door.
The wife ran to the phone and summoned the ambulance.
Because they lived on a fairly large hill, the wife went down the several flights of stairs to the street to escort the paramedics to her husband.
After the ambulance arrived and transported the man to the hospital, the wife up righted the motorcycle and pushed it outside.
Seeing that petrol was spilled on the floor, the wife got some paper towels, blotted up the gasoline, and threw the towels in the toilet.
The man was treated and released to come home.
Upon arriving home, he looked at the shattered patio door and the damage done to his motorcycle.
He became despondent, went to the bathroom, sat down on the toilet and smoked a cigarette.
After finishing the cigarette, he flipped it between his legs into the toilet bowl while seated.
The wife, who was in the kitchen, heard the loud explosion and her husband screaming.
She ran into the bathroom and found her husband lying on the floor.
His trousers had been blown away and he was suffering burns on the buttocks, the back of his legs, and his groin.
The wife again ran to the phone to call the ambulance.
The very same paramedic crew was dispatched and the wife met them at the street.
The paramedics loaded the husband on to the stretcher and began carrying him to the street.
While they were going down the stairs to the street accompanied by the wife, one of the paramedics asked the wife how the husband had burned himself.
She told them, and the paramedics started laughing so hard, one of them  slipped and tipped the stretcher dumping the husband out.
He fell down the remaining stairs and broke his arm.
(Taken from a Florida Newspaper.)

STILL HAVING A BAD DAY?

Just remember, it could be worse...
The average cost of rehabilitating a seal after the Exxon Valdez oil spill in Alaska was $80,000.
At a special ceremony, two of the most expensively saved animals were released back into the wild amid cheers and applause from onlookers.
A minute later, in full view, a killer whale ate them both.

-----------------------------

A woman came home to find her husband in the kitchen, shaking frantically with what looked like a wire running from his waist towards the electric kettle.
Intending to jolt him away from the deadly current she whacked him with a handy plank of wood by the back door, breaking his arm in two places.
Until that moment he had been happily listening to his Walkman

-----------------------------------

And finally... .. . . . .
Iraqi terrorist, Khay Rahnajet, didn't pay enough postage on a letter bomb.
It came back with "return to sender" stamped on it.
Forgetting it was the bomb, he opened it and was blown to bits.
Now, your day's not so bad, is it?

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